i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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