at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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