I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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