I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
