Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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