i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
