Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
