I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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