Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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