Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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