Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
