Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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