She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
