Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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