Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
