True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
