Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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