I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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