I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
