Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
