I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize