So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
