she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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