sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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