yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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