plz talk dirty to me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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