I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
