she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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