So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
