ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
