I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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