She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
