summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
