Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
