I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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