I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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