actually, I'm a sock model
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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