Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
