Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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