I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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