If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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