If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
