Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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