I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
