Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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