I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
