You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
