So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
