I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
