dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
