Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
