When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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