I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
