i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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