shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize