She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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