Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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