a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She even gives head with a lisp.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We don't watch enough power rangers
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
