Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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