i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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