I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
